:: please please please stop saying this ::
Hello Rainbow :)
This post has been a LONG time coming. I’ve almost written it a handful of times over the past several months, but something always got in the way.
Time, inspiration, something more timely to share.
One of the beautiful things about tapping into and honoring your intuition is that you learn to implicitly trust the timing of things.
So you stop fighting it and let yourself follow what flows, trusting that if this thing is really meant to be said, right timing will present itself for it to happen.
And today’s the day, Stingray.
So let’s get on with it, shall we?
Please please please. I implore you to please stop saying any iteration of the following:
“If I can do it, then so can you.”
Ugh. I know you might be a bit peeved right now.
Maybe you say this. Maybe often. It might even be your jam.
I love you dearly in all your you-ness, and I don’t intend to offend. But for the love of Light, PLEASE stop saying this!
Here’s why:
This phrase is usually preceded by a litany of potential obstacles to doing said “it” that the speaker has managed to overcome.
The thinking goes that if the speaker can overcome ALL of that (the assumption being that this bundle of obstacles is WAY more challenging than whatever paltry hindrance the one being spoken to faces), then there’s no excuse for that person not to do “it” too.
Well gee, thanks so much for that added heaping serving of judgement laced with condescension gravy.
HAHAHA. Yeah that’s right. Condescension gravy.
(It IS just days after some are celebrating Thanksgiving in the States, after all lol.)
Seriously though, every time Person A says “If I can do it, so can you” to Person B, Person A is placing themselves above Person B on some scale of awesomeness, sticktoitiveness, dedication or value.
With the intention of motivating Person B to do the thing and thus be closer to Person A’s awesomeness etc.
BUT with the unspoken understanding that Person B will never actually BE as awesome, dedicated or worthy as Person A, because whether or not Person B ends up doing “it,” it will always have been AFTER getting backhandedly shamed into it by Person A.
It’s like a game where Person A always wins, and Person B didn’t even know they were playing until they were already too far behind to stand a chance.
Now, I know that none of that is Person A’s intention. (Or rather I certainly hope not.)
But the words remain weighted with this underlying messaging.
It implies a hierarchy of worthiness in which Person B is lower than Person A.
It reinforces the idea that someone else (Person A) knows what’s better for us than we do.
It creates a scenario in which we unwittingly hand over our own power and knowing to someone else.
It assumes that everyone is the same; it ignores that we are all at different places on our own respective journeys, with our own respective histories, goals, and circumstances.
It devalues any progress or success that isn’t the “it” in question.
It employs shame as motivation, and so many of us are working our little hearts out to overcome that baggage.
All of that, and it just feels plain shitty.
Now, most of us have been groomed and indoctrinated to buy into this way of thinking. So we may respond with things like:
“Gosh she’s right. What the heck am I complaining about?”
“Totally. Man, what’s my PROBlem?”
“Ugh. How did I get to be such a loser? I don’t have to deal with anywhere near that. I’ve got no excuse.”
All with an undercurrent of gee I suck and something must be wrong with me and I’m just not good enough.
All with the implication that we must have an excuse for not achieving things. Which implies that we aren’t good enough UNLESS we’re achieving things.
But the list of “things” to achieve never ends. It constantly regenerates itself with more and newer things — thus reinforcing that venomous idea of never being enough.
So in case you didn’t know or weren’t sure, I’m here to tell you that YOU ARE ENOUGH.
You are enough as is.
Whether or not you accomplish all the things.
Whether or not you accomplish this one thing.
Whether you do it easily or with difficulty.
Whether fast or slow.
Wherever you stand in relation to anyone else on it.
Whether you get it right the first time or have to keep trying over time.
If you want to do it, and it’s in your best interest to do it, you will.
And you’ll do it more easily once you’ve thrown off the weight of comparison and condescension.
You’ll be able to get clear about why YOU want to do it, and what in particular is getting in YOUR way.
But don’t just take my word. Then we’d be swapping Person A’s self-imposed authority for mine.
Check in with yourself. Listen to what comes up. Let the truth within YOU emerge. It’s there.
Speaking of truth, one of my favorite #truthbombs from Danielle LaPorte is this:
“You’ll do it when you’re ready.”
Yes you will, Love.
I’m rooting for you.
I’m here for you.
You got this.
Are you ready to be enough? And to allow everyone else to be enough too?
Cheers, dear ;)
